Category Archives: Life

A Pigment of Imagination

It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing.

Boromir may have been talking about the One Ring at the time, but oh how true this is for something else.  Melanin. defines melanin as “any of a class of insoluble pigments, found in all forms of animal life, that account for the dark color of skin, hair, fur, scales, feathers, etc.”  A pigment.  That’s it, the difference between you and anyone with darker skin than you is more pigment.  The difference between you and anyone with lighter skin than you is less pigment.  Melanin.

racecardRaces, they’re good at Daytona, and that’s pretty much it.  The whole idea that there are different “races” of men is a farce anyway, we’re all of one race, the race of Adam.  Which is to say, I am a human and guess what?  You are a human too.  Genetic ancestry can be traced back to a single person, or thing, depending on if you’re an evolutionist or a creationist. By the way, if you’ll notice, by that definition of melanin, animals also suffer from the inhumanity of some having less and some having more of this evil thing, melanin.  You don’t see them hating each other over it.  Then again I forget, they’re not rational humans like us.  Melanin also seems to be tricky to spot depending on who you are.  If you have something against large quantities of melanin or minuscule quantities of melanin, you’ll see those with the amount of your discontent as being inferior to yourself.  Which I find odd since you both have it, just in different amounts.  It’s like Coke hating Diet Coke.  Weird seeing two Cokes fight.  Seems kind of childish too.  True conservatives seem to forget there’s differences in the quantity of melanin that some may possess.  Sadly, liberals are there to remind them.  Liberals also tend to see melanin that would otherwise go unnoticed.  Such as claiming anyone that voted for Bush is a racist.  Or anyone opposed to Obama is a racist.  I haven’t been able to connect the dots yet, but I’m sure a liberal can help me out.  It seems, to the liberal, that a disagreement with someone on the basis of principle or ideology is grounds for racism.  I fail to understand a statement such as “…this has everything to do with a black man in office” when, as for me, it has nothing to do with melanin.  Alan Keys shares a similar melanin content count as Obama yet, I’d have no problems with Keys in the White House.  That does bring me to another point.  According to some liberals, if a person with a high melanin count opposes Obama, that person hates himself because of his own melanin concentration.   Do what?  A black man dislikes Obama so he’s a self hating black man?  This is what I mean by liberals being able to spot melanin better than anyone.  It never seems to be an issues until a liberal brings out that card.  They have no reservations in playing it.  They seem to spot melanin from a mile away.  Which leads me to make this statement and make it with confidence:  Liberals lean more toward racism than conservatives.

There are some other reasons for the different feelings toward melanin quantities in persons and it stems from an evolutionary root.  The belief that certain peoples who’s melanin content is in polar opposite of their own are somehow lesser humans because they evolved slower than another branch of humanity.  So they became half people.   Or more historically accurate, they were three fifths of a person.  Or, worse still, in other countries they weren’t considered people at all.  All because of melanin.  That is one form of racism.  Not the only form, but one form.

The Anti-Defamation League defines racism as:

“…the hatred of one person by another — or the belief that another person is less than human — because of skin color, language, customs, place of birth or any factor that supposedly reveals the basic nature of that person.”

By that definition, of which I would agree, racism is not simply an issue that stems from only one source but can come from anyone and from anywhere to anyone and to anywhere.  Racism itself is a misleading word.  You hear racism and think “skin color” or “race.”  But by definition, it’s discrimination based on many different things.  Which explains why I dislike the word “racism” so much.  I prefer discrimination.  If you treat someone hateful because of his skin color, it’s discrimination.  If you treat someone hateful because of his language, it’s discrimination.  If you treat someone hateful because of his customs, it’s discrimination.  If you treat someone hateful because of his place of birth, it’s discrimination.

Or “her”, for you gender sensitive readers out there.

A final statement, or question if you will.  How can we move past discrimination when we still use it to promote our agendas?  If I say I’m against Obama, do not first assume I’m racist.  It’s asinine!  I am opposed to his policies.  That is why I don’t like him.  If he was white, I’d still dislike him.  His melanin is not remotely involved in my feelings toward him and this constant habit of accusing opponents of racism is discrimination itself.  Calling someone racist based on no credible evidence and on purely an opinion or hate is discrimination.  You bear false witness of someone based on “any factor that supposedly reveals the basic nature of that person.”  And why?  So you can make yourself look better and higher than the other.  It’s the highest form of self absorbed narcissism.   And those that play the race card look like idiots and continue to show how much they hate their fellow man.


It’s Finally Happened


I’ve hit the wall and don’t seem to care much really.  It’s that fact that bothers me more than knowing I’ve hit the wall.  I could care less about actually hitting the wall but I should at least care to the point of wanting to change it.  Let me give you a little background on myself.  I’m not going to share everything about me, obviously, because quite frankly it’s none of your business.  But I do need to get some things off my chest and it seems the 0nly place I can do that is here, which is pathetic no matter how you slice it.  Yeah it’s nice to be able to sit, think, and get my thoughts together before I put them down, but still, it would be nice to have people to actually physically talk to about it.  That fact is probably my fault too.

*lies down on the couch*

No need to get into my childhood, it was about as normal as they come I guess.  I had friends, liked to play in the dirt, and enjoyed annoying the crap out of my brother.  Normal stuff.  I never really had any “issues” until middle school and they were increased throughout high school.  I never once cared what I looked like or had any self esteem problems what so ever.  That changed a bit during high school.  I was picked on mercilessly, mostly on the bus on the way to and from school.  Pushed around, smacked on, insulted, had stuff thrown at, and just generally treated with intolerable disrespect.  My self esteem took a major drop then.  Major.  I became incredibly shy.  I thought I was ugly and someone nobody wanted to be around.  Some of that still lingers today.  Ok, a lot of it still lingers.  I had few friends and the ones I did were the other “un-cool” kids.

Not much has changed since then really.  About 10 years ago, give or take a few, I started going to church on a voluntary basis but didn’t get involved a whole lot because I was still holding on to the idea that nobody cares or likes me so why get involved?   My mindset was this: If I’m going to be picked last for dodge ball, why even play?  There were guys there I thought would be cool to hang with, but never tried to make friends out of fear of being laughed at.  There were a few girls there that I thought would be great to get know, but again I was way too shy and afraid of rejection to approach them.  Previous experiences with approaching girls didn’t help matters.  I’m the goofy looking kid who’s quiet most of the time and when he does talk he tries to be funny but isn’t.  I did have a few friends for a short time.  They seemed to fade.  Even present day there are only two or three of the ones I remember still around.  I’d try to get in touch with them but how?  I just have too much doubt.  It’s been so long they won’t remember me except my name or think I’m pathetic trying to start something from nothing.

The past few years, my personality has changed a little bit.  I don’t know if that has anything to do with social networks like Twitter, Facebook, or MySpace, but it may.  I’ve gotten to know a handful of what I consider “real” friends.  Even met a few face to face.  I actually went to Las Vegas by myself one October which was completely nerve racking and totally outside my comfort zone.  I had fun, it was great.  Drove to Tennessee by myself which was a big thing too.  This year, I would have made it to Colorado for a road trip but the economy ruined that.  I’ll get to that later.  I found a new passion over the last year.  Politics.  Naturally it’s a very divisive topic as was my first passion.  Creation.  So as you can imagine, I’ve had some pretty heated debates with various people.  That’s helped my shyness to a degree.  I can talk to just about anyone, but, and I know this sounds pathetic, women still make me nervous.  I still have low enough self esteem to feel I’m just not attractive or have qualities they like.  It doesn’t help that I’m 27, unemployed, and “living in mommies basement.”  I just feel pathetic.  I watch the news or just anything on TV and hear stuff like “oh he blogs from his moms basement, get a life!”  I’m like, that’s  me.  I mean, here I am, writing a blog.  And I live with my parents, in their basement.  I don’t really “feel” like a loser but…

On the spiritual side, there was a very short part of my life where I met some very unsavory beverages which pointed me in the direction of self.  And the direction of self is always the very opposite of the direction of God.  I love God, I honestly do.  I know He has my back and there is nothing in this world that would ever make me change how I feel about Him.  I haven’t always given Him my all like I should and that little part of my life, however short it was, was still enough for me to feel like a failure in my spiritual life too.  I used to be in the Word almost every day.  Pray every day, go to church every week, study scripture, study creation, blog and share thoughts, and even possibly had a desire to teach.  Now I feel like it’s gone.  I haven’t studied scripture in quite a while, nothing on creation in a while, haven’t been to church in darn near a year, haven’t really blogged anything on my beliefs, and don’t pray anywhere near as often as I should.  I’m sorry but that is not the mark of a Christian.  Now I know I haven’t “lost” my salvation or any of that but it’s so very true that I’ve backslid.  I know what I need to do and the good thing is, I want to do what I need to do.  I know the Truth.  I know it.  And even though I hear stuff I know is not true from those around me, I still haven’t rejected Truth.  I never will.  The things I have to do will almost certainly cause me to lose the closeness I have with some family members, but in all honesty, the closeness I should have with God should come first.  If they can’t accept that then it’s time to move on.  One of my favorite movies is “The Kingdom of Heaven.”  In it, the king of Jerusalem tells Balian this:

A king may move a man, a father may claim a son. But remember that, even when those who move you be kings or men of power, your soul is in your keeping alone. When you stand before God you cannot say “but I was told by others to do thus” or that “virtue was not convenient at the time.”  This will not suffice. Remember that.

It doesn’t matter what people may tell you or how people my criticize you.  If you succumb to it and reject truth because of it, you will be held accountable for rejecting Gods Truth.  Do not be the one to deny Christ before sunrise.  Don’t do it for the sake of friendships, relationships, or anything else.  This I know and I will not sway.  I guess I could say that my faith as been the only firm ground in my life.  Besides my family, my family has always been here.  But my faith has be even stronger than that for me.  It’s really the only thing that has kept me from completely giving up.  I thank God for that.  Love of my family and love of my God.

I lived with my cousin for a while but now I’m back home.  I guess that’s a blessing in disguise, if I was out on my own I would have lost it anyway like so many others have because this past February I got laid off from work.  At first it didn’t bother me, I usually didn’t have a problem finding work.  Last time I lost a job it was 2 or 3 weeks and I was back to working again.  Well, it’s August now, and I’m still out of work.  I’ve almost exhausted all my unemployment weekly benefits and the job market is still terrible.  I search for jobs but since I have nobody to hang out with and no date or even prospects, the majority of the time I sit at home watching movies, playing games, or blogging.  It’s driving me crazy.  I’ve put on some weight which is even more detrimental to my already moderately low self esteem.

So here I am, August 18th at 4:30am, blogging about how pathetic my life is going.  I’ve hit the wall.  It’s finally happened.  I want to change things but quite frankly, if I’m going to be picked last for dodge ball, why even play?  Right?  I don’t need pity and I don’t want it.  I just want people around me I can talk to and share these things with.  People that can motivate me and inspire me.  People to encourage me in positive ways.  I want to be accepted and not ridiculed.  Accepted for who I am though, I’m not changing who I am or acting a certain way to “fit in.” I have so much to offer people.  Both in regular friendships and romantically.  I am so much more than the 27 year old living with his parents.  I want people to know that.  I’m passionate.  I’m understanding.  I’m caring.  I’m loving.  I’m dependable.  I’m sympathetic. I can be humorous but I can be serious.  I’m intellectual.  I’m spiritual.  I’m fun.  I’m someone to laugh with and a shoulder to cry on.  I’m forgiving.  I’m supportive and encouraging.  I’m strong enough to defend my beliefs and weak enough to kneel before the God I love.  I’m hard working.  I don’t give up.  I’m truthful.  I’m honest.  I’m a good communicator and a good listener.  Again, I’m passionate.  Passionate about all of the above.  Despite everything I’ve mentioned it’s those other few traits that seem to have a death hold on who I really am.  I’m shy.  I have low self esteem.  I’m lonely.  I’m unmotivated.  I am truly thankful for my family and for my God.  But it’s not quite the same.  I need friends.  And I need a partner.  In Genesis 2:18 it’s written that God said “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”  And in Genesis 2:22 Adam was given Eve.

My life is still Genesis 2:18.

Throw it in Reverse

unityI hear the phrase “reverse racism” and “reverse discrimination” thrown around a lot.  If I’m honest with myself, which I usually am, I’d admit it makes no sense whatsoever to me.  How is racism reversed?  If a white man calls a black man the N word, it’s racist.  If a black man calls a white man a “cracker”, it’s also racist (also notice how I can say cracker, but not…yep, you noticed.)  What, exactly, makes one of those scenarios qualify to be considered reverse racism?  These questions are rhetorical mind you, I know the answer, and I’m going to clue you in.  See, in America we have been indoctrinated into thinking that true racism is only white on _______ (insert preferred color/race here).  The white man has been holding the “whatever-color-the-liberals-want-votes-from-and-thus-convince-to-believe-they’re-victims” down.  Typically, according to Obama who is about as far left as you can lean without falling over (although he has been losing his balance of late.  I’m sure you noticed when he had his little health care reform press conference the other day.  Someone definitely did act stupidly) it’s the hispanics and blacks.  Now, have they had a lot of crap to deal with?  Sure, but who gets blamed for the low education levels and poor living conditions of some blacks and hispanics?  Who else?  White America.  White America….I don’t get that phrase either, last time I checked we had reds and yellows, blacks and whites.  I don’t care what percentage of which is here, America is an assimilation of everyone everywhere.  I for one could care less what color someone is.  Call me crazy but I judge a person by the content of their character, not the color of their skin.  The blame game the liberals and other leftists perpetuate in this country has led some to feel that racism is one sided.  That somehow it’s unidirectional.  This mindset has brought about this “reverse” culture which I believe is bogus.  Racism is evil no matter where it came from or where it’s directed.  It’s a product of blaming everyone around us for failings or under achievements and the result of the hidden evil of diversity.  Diversity is the very antithesis of America.  The very antithesis of unity.  Diversity separates and empowers through victimization and entitlement.  Bringing only specific groups together to rise up against other groups that don’t appreciate their differences.  Unity unites us despite our differences, it embraces us without regard to any characterizations.  We are one.  The fallacy of reverse racism only continues the belief that racism is a one way street and that it has an epicenter.  One could argue that the idea of racism originating from the white man is itself, racist.  Is there such a thing as reverse hatred?  What about reverse lying? Reverse cruelty?  No of course not.  We understand these things to be universal.  Anyone can hate, or lie, or be cruel to anyone else.  If the other person does it back, it’s the original act, it’s not “reversed.”  The honest conclusion is that there is no such thing as reverse racism or reverse discrimination and it’s evil no matter where it comes from.

My Inner Struggle

Recently I was suffering from an internal conflict, an inner struggle, if you will.  It’s been said that I should “Take up a concern.”  When I asked exactly what they meant, I was informed that I need to pick something to “aggressively support”, like animal rights or environmentalism.  Something positive for society.  Apparently trying to rid the world of sissy liberals and spineless moderates doesn’t count.  There’s no real conservative movement, pick something real!  So I almost thought about entertaining the idea of fasting before making this earth shattering life changing decision.  Ultimately it came down to the fact that that would have been asinine to do so I simply decided to take their advice and just pick one of those two: animal rights or environmentalism.  The conflict within myself was almost unbearable.  Almost.  I mean this is serious!  I could ultimately change the course of history with this paradigm shifting position I was about to take.  On the one hand, animals have had such a positive impact on every facet of society that it would be undeniably crucial to ensure their survival for our own kind to flourish.  On the other hand, as harmful and destructive as we have been to the environment with our increasing carbon footprints and the utter disregard for the deity that is nature, I felt compelled to reverse the damage and make amends for the insensitive disrespect we have shown toward our Mother earth.  In the end, I chose environmentalism.  So, in an effort to appease the earth god, I shall exponentially increase my consumption of animal flesh in an attempt to slow down the negative effects of animal produced carbon emissions.  Sorry PETA, but dead animals can’t fart and I must do something!  Also, due to what some scientists claim to be “stabilizing temperatures”, the monumentally important Global Warming movement has suffered a setback.  In order to help this problem and give a boost to this very important issue, I will personally be dumping radioactive materials into the oceans in an effort to raise their temperatures, increase co2 release from the warming waters, and thus increasing global temperatures.  This effort, I believe, will get the Global Warming movement back on track so we can then lower co2 emissions and end Global Warming.  If both these actions seem counterproductive and ironic, it’s because they are.  But hey, I’m an environmentalist now, it’s what I do.  So thank you for encouraging me to search for something really worth while to spend my time on.  It’s been an enlightening experience and I only hope I can bring more to my cause for this is truly where real change needs to be.

Please sir, I want some more

PleaseMayIHaveSomeMoreMost of us are familiar with that one liner from Oliver Twist.  Sitting at the table Oliver has already recieved his meal but longs for more.  So he stands up, walks over, and asks “Please sir, I want some more.”  We should have the same hunger for wisdom from God that Oliver had for food from the server.  We should stand up, seek God, and ask “Please sir, I want some more.”  Proverbs 1:20-21 says “Wisdom calls aloud outside; She raises her voice in the open squares.  She cries out in the chief concourses, at the openings of the gates in the city She speaks her words:”  Wisdom does call out to us be we must be listening, and accept it willingly.  Wisdom is very valuable.  That value is mentioned in chapter 2 verses 1-6 “My son, if you receive my words, and treasure my commands within you, so that you incline your ear to wisdom, and apply your heart to understanding; Yes, if you cry out for discernment, and lift up your voice for understanding, if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasure; Then you will understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God.  For the Lord gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding;”  It’s important to note that wisdom in Proverbs is not intellectual knowledge but “skill” in handling the issues of everyday life.  This skill is based above all on a healthy fear of God.  This fear or respect for God:

  1. – “is the beginning of knowledge” or “wisdom” (1:7; see also 9:10; and Job 28:28)
  2. – imparts confidence and life (14:26-27; 19:23)
  3. – produces contentment (15:16)
  4. – saves from evil (16:6)
  5. – brings riches and honor (22:4) *1

Proverbs 1:8 says “My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother;” Now, I’m not a parent, but I get the feeling that this trying to convey that fathers should be seeking wisdom, knowledge, and understanding for God in order to pass them down to their children and chapters 1-9 of Proverbs offer many great instructions for young people.  Giving great advice to offer children such as:

1:10-19  A father is telling his son not to participate in the activities of sinners.  15 “My son, do not walk in the way with them, keep your foot from their path”

2: 1-9  He tells his son to listen to him and that if he would only listen out for wisdom, and truly seek it, he will find it.

There are many other verses throughout chapters 1-9 that are great for fathers and their sons!  We can also apply the same to our own lives.  I encourage everyone, no matter where you go today, tomorrow, this week, or the next to listen out for wisdom and keep a sharp eye for the enemy of wisdom, that is, folly (9:13-18).  I leave you with this verse, make it your verse to remember. 1 Corinthians 6:12  “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”  Listen for wisdom, pray for understanding, and apply truth to your daily lives.

Michael Jackson: A tragedy


No, not his death.  Though death is tragic, people die every day.  In fact, if you check your local obituaries, you’ll find more people who have passed away.  And my guess is they won’t be pedophiles, yet, they’ll go unnoticed.  That’s the real tragedy.  But alas, all anyone can seem to talk about is the passing of the king of pop.  This man is being treated like royalty.  Despite his shady past, people are obsessed with giving him more honor than is due.  Including congress offering a moment of silence in honor of him.  I wonder if you’ll get the same.  Our own military doesn’t get that amount of respect from congress, so I say don’t hold your breath on that one.

You think me harsh?  Disrespectful?  Rude?

Get over it.  He’s just a man.  Or was, just a man.  When he’s buried he’ll be no different than the bones he’s buried near.  Guess what?  When you die, your pile of bones will be no greater or no lesser than his.  How about that!  You and Michael Jackson, equal in death.  Which brings me to another question, why weren’t you equal in life?  What elevated his position in life above yours?  He sang better than you?  Maybe.  He danced better than you?  Possibly.  He’s had more face time with a plastic surgeon than Nancy Pelosi?  Ok, that’s a toss up.  He had his ups, he had his downs.  Every one of us can say that.  So why the hype?

Before you get P.O.’d, which quite frankly I could care less if you do, hear me out.  WHY the frikk do people offer such respect and give such honor to someone like Michael Jackson but do NOTHING for the family across the street that just lost a loved one?  Does our compassion have boundaries?!?  Honor the star who was accused of acts of pedophilia but don’t honor those in the military that die fighting for us.  Honor the singer that dangled a baby from a balcony but ignore the elderly that seem to fade into the mist as the world forgets they even existed.  It’s not the respect that bugs me.  It’s not the fact that people want to hold vigils and pay honor.  It’s the hypocrisy of the people that do it!  If congress is going to hold a minute of silence for Michael Jackson, they should do it every single day someone in the military is killed.  Stop elevating celebrities to the status of a god and bowing before them in idle worship.  Show some real respect.  Pray for his family, they need it.  While your at it, don’t forget Billy Mays, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon as well.  Granted, these folks have the advantage of being known to the public, but that doesn’t mean those not known to the public should be forgotten.  I’m not advocating that we not pay tribute to the deceased, but drop it down a notch people, in the end, we’re all shadows and dust.

Stop stereotyping Pro-Lifers

With the news of late-term abortionist George Tillers murder, some pro-choicers from all over the country are on the verbal attack.

  • I guess they only believe in life if your one who agrees with them.”
  • This is so typical of the people who claim to be pro-life.”
  • “Like the Taliban, anti-abortionists will kill you if you disagree.”
  • “Pro-lifers at their best! Don’t ya just love those ironic Christians?”
  • “Commit murder in a church, real good message from the so-called pro-life Christians. Really sad state these folks have put this country in.”

There are hundreds, if not more, comments very much like these and I’m sure you may have seen some very similar today.  On the same note, I have seen other comments such as “The world is a safer place now” as well, and I totally disapprove of any such statements.  Murder is NEVER OK, whether it be by abortion or by the hands of a vigilante.  It’s wrong.

Before I address this, I would like to say that my thoughts and prayers are with the Tiller family.  Even though I am pro-life and I found the late-term abortion procedures that George Tiller performed to be evil, immoral, unethical, and murder, I do NOT support these vigilante actions of an equally evil, immoral, and unethical murder.  What George Tiller did was wrong, and what has been done to him is equally wrong.  This was tragic and uncalled for.

Now, the comments that are being directed toward pro-lifers and Christians is unfair, ignorant, and sophomoric drivel.  A REAL Christian does NOT support the actions of this vigilante.  A REAL pro-lifer also does NOT support the actions of this vigilante.  Stop stereotyping all pro-lifers and Christians as hypocrites as it shows a complete lack of understanding of what a true pro-life advocate and a true Christian really is.  I rarely get angered by people but to put me in the same category as this evil man that committed such a heinous crime against Mr. Tiller is asinine.   Get to know the people you’re insulting before you make foolish statements like the ones mentioned.  Try getting to know what a pro-lifer really believes and what a real Christian believes before vomiting the rotten material your liberal friends feed you.  And before you ask me to do the same, I have.  I have gotten to know liberals, and I have yet to meet one that doesn’t stereotype people groups and lump them all together in a pile and then apply false labels, ideals, and principles  to the lump.

Again, to the family of George Tiller, my thoughts and prayers go out to you.