My Inner Struggle

Recently I was suffering from an internal conflict, an inner struggle, if you will.  It’s been said that I should “Take up a concern.”  When I asked exactly what they meant, I was informed that I need to pick something to “aggressively support”, like animal rights or environmentalism.  Something positive for society.  Apparently trying to rid the world of sissy liberals and spineless moderates doesn’t count.  There’s no real conservative movement, pick something real!  So I almost thought about entertaining the idea of fasting before making this earth shattering life changing decision.  Ultimately it came down to the fact that that would have been asinine to do so I simply decided to take their advice and just pick one of those two: animal rights or environmentalism.  The conflict within myself was almost unbearable.  Almost.  I mean this is serious!  I could ultimately change the course of history with this paradigm shifting position I was about to take.  On the one hand, animals have had such a positive impact on every facet of society that it would be undeniably crucial to ensure their survival for our own kind to flourish.  On the other hand, as harmful and destructive as we have been to the environment with our increasing carbon footprints and the utter disregard for the deity that is nature, I felt compelled to reverse the damage and make amends for the insensitive disrespect we have shown toward our Mother earth.  In the end, I chose environmentalism.  So, in an effort to appease the earth god, I shall exponentially increase my consumption of animal flesh in an attempt to slow down the negative effects of animal produced carbon emissions.  Sorry PETA, but dead animals can’t fart and I must do something!  Also, due to what some scientists claim to be “stabilizing temperatures”, the monumentally important Global Warming movement has suffered a setback.  In order to help this problem and give a boost to this very important issue, I will personally be dumping radioactive materials into the oceans in an effort to raise their temperatures, increase co2 release from the warming waters, and thus increasing global temperatures.  This effort, I believe, will get the Global Warming movement back on track so we can then lower co2 emissions and end Global Warming.  If both these actions seem counterproductive and ironic, it’s because they are.  But hey, I’m an environmentalist now, it’s what I do.  So thank you for encouraging me to search for something really worth while to spend my time on.  It’s been an enlightening experience and I only hope I can bring more to my cause for this is truly where real change needs to be.


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